Hello there my blogger friend,
I am back. Probably not by choice as in I chose to be up at this hour; although I do count it as a guilty pleasure of downloading yet another new app for this endeavor.
Much time has gone by since my last post. Although event-wise nothing much has happened, (my website is still "half" done) I do believe I've made quite a transformation as a person. I'm still not quite sure whether I like this person or not. Maybe on hind sight I would think of this as yet another one of my "rebellious stages" that I happen to have every so often. But this is who I have become now.
What I am now is equivalent to that use-to-be redhead from America's Next Top Model. Maybe not in that out of the closet lesbian sorta way, but I call myself "free." Free with those huge stupid air quotation marks around the word. Like she was actually running away from something or someone... I like to see it more of settling into what was meant to be all along.
I used to be that girl with the bi-weekly manicures. Now my favorite signature look is that constant chipped nail(s) that's always staring back at me. I used to care about being nice to someone, to not even trying. I'm now that person that relish in spending time by myself simply because it's easier that way. Im so far gone, I now romanticize eating a cracker and swallowing Tylenol by myself in the kitchen in the middle of the night after a round of having my head in the toilet from throwing up.
In some weird sick twisted way, I actually enjoy this new me. I love not having to pretend that my mom makes any sense or that she even tries to hide the fact that I am her least favorite child. Or that she even made a positive difference in my life. No longer having to nod at dry shallow "adult conversation" that explained why she even bothered to ask what I was doing with my life lately. She just wanted to show others that she actually was involved with her daughters' life.
The best part? I can scream like a maniac about the injustice of it all when I could only do so in my dreams before.
I am free.
